"I believe some one
To the extent that I am compulsive
Which makes the wound only get deeper,
So the compulsion may turn into fear.
Sometimes you make me feel better
Like the spell of an evil vampire
Is there a way I can undo the scar?
Maybe by an amnesic charm
Erasing all the past
And the mountain of underlying aghast"
These were the words written by Aicha in her diary on that eve of valentine ’s day, 2010, when she was left heart broken by Rohit. She had loved Rohit ever since she was in her high school, secretly dropping in notes, leaving him chocolates, staring at him like a thief so she won’t get caught. Rohit always knew something was on, but he never dared to bring this up. Those were the days of high school, full of fun, full of excitement. Aicha was so scared to take it to him that she never did, until she graduated. Wow, that was after 8 long years. That night at their college party, she gathered all her courage and expressed her love to Rohit.
What happened in days to come was nothing but a dream come true for Aicha. Rohit expressed his love back for her on the very same day and they dated for the next 2 years. Initially Aicha felt as though she was living in a fantasy and couldn't believe that Rohit was in fact her boy friend. Her affection was intolerably high for Rohit and he did feel the same for her. Life was just so beautiful, until Rohit was offered a job in a top notch company with a huge pay, which meant lesser time for meetings and coffees and lesser time for chat. Aicha was having a tough time coping with the fact that Rohit was not spending enough time with her and her feeling of affection and admiration were being replaced by insecurity and fear. She could not do what every person needs to do in a relationship- mature and adjust. Days went by, leaving her sore and hurt, despite the fact that Rohit loved her truly and was doing everything to keep the relationship alive. He had also arranged for sessions with a counselor but Aicha was so hurt by this gesture that she told Rohit she was not mentally ill to visit a shrink and suggested he needed one.
That valentine’s day Rohit had taken the hard decision of keeping away from Aicha until she understands the true meaning of a relation, which left her almost lifeless. Relationship is like a beautiful garland of flowers, the delicate the better, the harder you tug, the scattered it becomes.
Only months later of being away and being alone, Aicha started to realize the things that led to the break up. They seemed like most silly ones. Wanting to be more in charge of her life, she chose to apply for jobs and also chose to pursue her unfulfilled passion of dancing. She attended therapy sessions not because she was ill, but to a leader of her own life.
Rohit and Aicha have drifted apart in their own ways but Aicha learnt a lesson about relationships, a lesson never to forget, a lesson to let the person be, and a lesson to be the person she is. She was ready for a new beginning, only to rise in relationship and not to fall again. These were the words she wrote in her diary on the eve of Valentine’s Day, 2011
"I fell on the floor
With my feelings tore
Pain taught me to move
With a reason never to forget
I see myself with love
And a past never to regret"
